The SNL immediately following Jodie Foster was another Candice Bergen, which I watched because I really enjoyed Candice's first hosting gig in the first season, where I noted her gravitas and calming influence on the show. This time, there was an altogether different energy.

( SNL season 2, episode 10: Candice Bergen/Frank Zappa )

Wow, I had this completely written on Thursday, but I suddenly got too lazy to post.

( SNL episodes 4-6 )

6.1

A strange period began for Raskolnikov: it was as though a fog had fallen upon him and wrapped him in a dreary solitude from which there was no escape.

How is this strange, exactly? It seems pretty par for the course for Raskolnikov. ( Make sure to have your bingo boards at the ready for this chapter. )

Dorian is looking at some of Basil's piano music when they come in, and he immediately starts bitching, until he sees that Basil is accompanied by a Handsome Stranger. Then he becomes all coy charm and "Who's your friend?" I'm not saying I'd like this book would be better if it were straight (I mean, you know me), I'm just saying Wilde wouldn't even have to overcome his misogyny to cast Dorian as a girl. He's beautiful, emotional, and capricious. His only accomplishment is playing piano. I mean, really.

There's some protracted arguing about whether or not Lord Henry will stay and talk to Dorian during the painting session, with Dorian's position being OH YOU MUST STAY BEING PAINTED IS SO BORING, and Basil's position being DUDE, SOCK ON THE DOOR, and Lord Henry's changing by the moment to annoy them both. ( Guess who wins? )

Lord Henry Has Been Reading the Quotable Oscar Wilde: Chapter 2

• "It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances."
  
• "The only difference between a caprice and a lifelong passion is that the caprice lasts a little longer."
  
• "I adore simple pleasures. They are the last refuge of the complex."
  
• "Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot."

You may not believe it, but I have actually never read The Picture of Dorian Gray. Until now.

I hope not having finished my Crime and Punishment recaps doesn't mean I can't start recapping something else.

The Preface This is basically a list of Oscar Wilde type aphorisms about the nature of art, like about how great Beauty is and how lame people who don't understand about Beauty are, and how books aren't moral or immoral but well or badly written. I'm not sure why he lists them here instead of just putting them into Lord Henry's mouth at some point. Did he just have a list of clever things he wanted to include and these ones never made it into dialogue?

Chapter 1 Basil Hallward, an artist, is showing his great nearly-finished portrait of an incredibly beautiful young man to his clever idle rich friend Lord Henry Wotton. We get the first of many descriptions of the almost comical perfection of the subject (oh, you know it's Dorian Gray)'s beauty. Golden curls, lips like the petals of a rose etc. ( Well this isn't gay or anything. )

So, I've finished the book, which may make it more difficult for me to get up the energy to finish the recaps. Still, here's a three-chapter set forming a complete incident. Only two and a half more volumes and an epilogue to go!!!!

5.1
That same morning, as Raskolnikov is visiting the police station, Luzhin is getting angry because his German landlord won't return the deposit on his new marital apartment. ( His day isn't getting any better. )


5.2
Okay, this chapter seems like mostly filler. Katerina Ivanovna is going all out on the banquet, fueled by equal parts shame in her own poverty and brain-addledness. Description of the preparations as assisted by a dumb Pole. Oh, great, more racism. ( Don't worry, there's plenty about Germans too. )


5.3
Katerina asks Luzhin to help her defend Sonia against the landlady's accusations, but Luzhin isn't interested: he's come to speak of his "own affairs." ( Ominous. )

Raskolnikov Like-O-Meter: 4. Raskolnikov sat alone in a boggy marsh, totally motionless except for his heart.
Andrey Like-O-Meter: 73. Loved him as a dumb idealist with bad ideas, loved him even more as hero of Sonia's honor. Even if Raskolnikov got the credit.

4.3
Luzhin walks away humiliated, unable to believe the poor girl who was supposed to look on him as a godlike savior has kicked him to the curb. He's not ready to give up on her yet, and decides he must get her back. He's not too worried about Razumihin as a rival--he's too poor and scruffy--but he is a little worried about Svidrigailov, which just shows how little he knows Dunia.

( Meanwhile, back at the ranch... )

Aw. Goodbye, nice characters. I guess it is just going to be Raskolnikov's lonely descent into madness from now on. To be honest, I was expecting Razumihin to be disposed off much earlier, and this is a nice way to draw the curtain on his storyline, and the family's.

4.4
Raskolnikov goes straight to Sonia's, telling her, "I've come to you for the last time. I may perhaps not see you again." ( I'm going to a destination I cannot reveal for a reason I cannot reveal, but they rhyme with 'Schmiberia' and 'zaxemurder.' )

Raskolnikov Like-O-Meter: 4. A new low since the murder! I don't blame him for breaking with the fun-to-read-about characters--that's annoying for me, but it's actually kind of noble--but his treatment of Sonia is bizarre and thoroughly screwed-up.
Razumihin Like-O-Meter: O infinity.
Svidrigailov Like-O-Meter: 8. Okay he's scary and bad, but I kind of really enjoy him a lot.

3.5
This is one of my favorite chapters, so I'll relate it in pretty close detail.

Raskolnikov continues laughing and joking at Razumihin's expense as he walks into Porfiry's study. Razumihin bumbles bearishly and upsets a teacup. As desired, Porfiry seems charmed by their innocent, youthful exuberance. Raskolnikov will quickly lose this elaborately-constructed upper hand. ( Watch the train wreck. )

See, wasn't that chapter good? In my opinion, this is exactly what we paid our admission for, in this book: nerve-wracking crime-hiding suspense; lengthy theoretical discussions of the nature of crime; a murderer alternately ingeniously covering his tracks, internally freaking out, and practically begging to be caught; a fantastically relaxed chief-inspector toying with him so effectively that even the reader isn't sure if he actually knows anything; a loving and mostly-unsuspecting friend who disapproves of all this (please let it be) abstract talk. What a great book.

3.6
Raskolnikov and Razumihin head out to meet back up with Raskolnikov's family.

Razumihin kept stopping on the way in the heat of discussion, confused and excited by the very fact that they were for the first time speaking openly about it.

( Hint: IT is CRIME )

Raskolnikov Like-O-Meter: Like a 7. I actually find it kind of hard not to like him, even if he is trying to get away with murder. He's witty when he's being a jerk and he's kind of adorably underdog-ish when he's being neurotic and inept.
Razumihin Like-O-Meter: 93 million

( Previously, on Crime and Punishment: )

A Note on the Translation
Previously I blamed Constance Garnett for the clunky translation. I take it back. I have a new copy of the book also based on Garnett's 1915 translation, but it has NOT been heavily revised to make it closer to the Russian original. It is better. (Sorry, Dostoevsky.)

I feel like I've already done part three but I can't find it. Man.

3.1
In muddled half-sentences, Raskolnikov urges his family to leave him alone, but his mother refuses. Razumihin volunteers to look after Raskolnikov on their behalf. He will, you guys. You don't need to worry. Razumihin will give him all the mother's love a boy could want. For some reason. ( The delirium continues... )

3.2
When he wakes up the next morning, Razumihin is filled with self-loathing. ( Who is he, Raskolnikov? )

I think I like this book a tiny bit better when Raskolnikov isn't in it.

Raskolnikov Like-O-Meter: 7
Razumihin Like-O-Meter: 68 Million

2.5
So this portly stately guy walks in on Raskolnikov lying there "undressed, disheveled, unwashed" (I thought Razumikhin just dressed him?) and "the improper, untidy figure and unshaven face of Razumikhin" sitting nearby, and looks on with undisguised disgust. He introduces himself as Peter Petrovich Luzhin, Dunia's betrothed. Oh, boy! He's put out that Raskolnikov does not seem to have been expecting him. It's unclear which makes him more uncomfortable: Raskolnikov's curt responses or Razumikhin's clumsy attempts at hospitality. ( Awwwwkward. )

2.6
Left alone, Raskolnikov immediately dressed, puts his money in his pocket, and goes out. Wow! Night's falling, and he wanders out to a shady part of town where there's a lot of whores and bars, and everyone seems to be having fun. He has a moment of love of life. He thinks of something he read once where a condemned man would prefer to live in a square yard of space all his the rest of his days than to die. "Only to live, to live and live! Life, whatever it may be! How true it is! Good God, how true! Man is a vile creature! And vile is he who calls man vile for that." Raskolnikov is weird. ( And he only gets weirder. )

Bank: 25 rubles + 45 kopeks I forgot to mention yesterday (change from Razumikhin's purchases)- 15 kopeks to buy a hooker a drink - 50 kopeks for tea, paper, and vodka = 24 rubles 90 kopeks
Raskolnikov Like-O-Meter: 4. Shut up, Raskolnikov.
Razumikhin Like-O-Meter: 74. He loves Raskolnikov, AND he stood up to him!